Question 

Why is it so very difficult to find a place for my mother to live? She rejects almost everything that we look at. I think that she is being too fussy about things and is not willing to settle for less than what she wants.

I will admit that mom lives in a beautiful home with custom everything. She has fancy windows, furniture made to order, and the best of everything in her 3,000 square foot home. Nothing that we have looked at a little bit smaller compares to what she has right now. It appears that nice finishes are only in large fancy homes. 

Why is this process so difficult and why can’t she just settle for a modest ranch? 

Answer 

The challenge you are facing is one of lifestyle. Your mother is living in a home that she has likely decorated, remodeled, and outfitted to her taste and style. Often, smaller, less expensive homes are not as well appointed in the style she is accustomed to. For her, it will be more difficult to find what she has in a smaller home, because smaller often means lower quality. 

She also needs to have a place that offers a large bathroom, walk-in shower, accessible kitchen, among others helpful amenities to age in place. She needs these things all on a single floor. 

What happens as we get older and gain experience is that we learn about what works and what does not. We become less willing to compromise on the quality materials that we have come to expect and demand. 

If you are working with a realtor, make sure that he or she understands what level of finish your mother desires. I recommend making a list of the amenities that mom wants. If she is looking at retirement communities, look at those that are upscale. Many of them will allow reasonable renovation, which you or they could arrange for before she moves in, if the specific features she desires are not in place when you tour. 

Decreasing your square footage is not easy for anyone. The thing is as individuals age, they tend to live in only a few of their rooms. Find out what your mother needs based on her current use and square footage. Then look only at houses, apartments, or condos that offer what she is seeking. There may not be a large price difference between what she has and what she now seeks. 

Try not to be too frustrated by the process. Seeing what is out there is just one of the steps in the process of finding a new home. Sometimes we need to see the spectrum before we can settle on a price, size, and quality point that we will be content with. Someone with years of housing experience knows what they want and may take a bit of time to find just the right place. There is also leaving behind the family home, which may factor into some of the challenges in this milestone moment. 

I wish you well on this journey with your mother. With a little persistence, you will find a place that suits her and her lifestyle.