Question 

Why do I struggle so much visiting my mother at her memory care unit? I simply dread my Saturday visits. When I walk into that place, a sadness hits me every time. Seeing those old people sitting around with nothing to do is so depressing. It also does not smell that great.  

I am tempted to visit less, though that would not be a very nice thing to do. What I want to know is how I stomach those visits to see mom. There must be a way that I can do this without such dread. 

I need some ideas on how to make Saturdays work. 

Answer 

Watching our parents decline is very difficult for all of us. Then facing that decline with a group of other elders in the same situation at the facility compounds the reality for you. It can be daunting. It causes the dread you feel before visiting. 

Your mother and everyone in her unit are in memory care because they need help and supervision around the clock. No one is thrilled with the situation, but it is her reality and she needs you.  

Be aware that most of the activities for the residents occur during the weekdays, when relatives are not usually visiting. They plan it that way so that your visits are not interrupted by facility activities. It can make it seem as though nothing is going on, and everyone just sits around with nothing to do. Look around, as the listing of activities is usually posted somewhere on a bulletin board. 

While it is hard for you, it is important that you visit regularly. Your mother needs the family connection, just as she had before. Weekends are for families in facilities. Your job is to visit as often as you can and find a way to make your visit as enjoyable as possible. A few ways you might do that are: 

• Take your mother for a car ride each Saturday. It does not matter where you go. It is the change of scenery that she will enjoy. 

• Plan a card game for Saturdays engaging anyone that is interested. 

• Bring a new board game each week. 

• Get your mother involved in a planting project at the facility.  

• Make popcorn and watch a movie with whoever you can gather at the facility 

• Bring treats for your mother to pass around and deliver them with her to each resident. (Get permission to do this as allergies and diet restrictions may exist). 

• Bring a grandchild along or an agreeable pet. 

• Carry a record player and bring favorite vinyl records to play. 

• Take a box of old photos along to look through and reminisce. 

• Plan a short hike on the facility grounds or in the downtown area of her town. 

There are ways to alter your mindset about your visits. It will take just a bit of planning on your part, though I predict it will be well worth your time. Your mother will eagerly anticipate your visits, and the time you spend together will be more enjoyable and purposeful.