Question 

My parents live in a lovely subdivision outside of a large city. They have a nice home that is paid for. What I began to notice last summer is that their street look or curb appeal does not compare to the houses around them anymore. 

Getting down to a bit of detail, when I take a walk with them, the other homes look more cared for. They have flowerpots with annuals. The beds around the houses are weed free and tidy. Some people even edge the driveway. The houses look very cared for. 

My parent’s house looks so-so. They do not plant flowers anymore. The shrubs could use some pruning. The lawn is patchy and looks a bit weedy compared to the surrounding homes. Their home just does not look comparable any longer. 

I realize that I am being very picky here. I tried to bring it up by mentioning how great their neighborhood looks when we were on a walk. That comment did not seem to land. Mom and dad just agreed with me.  

By the way, my parents are in excellent health, in their early 80s. They travel, socialize, and are fairly active. They simply have stopped doing all the little things that give your home some curb appeal. 

Do you have any ideas? 

Answer 

Most people do not simply stop maintaining the exterior of their homes without reason. In the case of the elderly, it is usually physical or mental ability, though it could also be diverted attention. So let us explore the issues. 

I will start with diversion of attention. Travel and other social activities can take one away for periods of time, where before they were around to care for the exterior. They may feel that they cannot do as much in their yard as they could when they were home more and they are choosing to do less. Prolonged travel in the growing months is particularly challenging for yard care.  

Another option to consider is physical limitations. It is not uncommon for adults in their 80s to struggle with yard work because of a back or joint issue. Just because you are not aware of it does not mean that there is no problem. Plenty of individuals do not disclose physical issues, choosing to keep it to themselves. They sometimes are in denial, fear surgery, or just hoping the issue will go away. Whatever the reason is, if it is a health problem they have not told you about it yet. 

I doubt that your parents are no longer interested in their home. A change in flower planting is one thing, but letting the pruning and beds go to weed has a reason. Something has changed that makes yard work difficult. If they have a longstanding history of caring for their property, this change is a signal that something is off.  

I recommend that rather than just bringing it up again as you did on a walk, bring your gloves and favorite pruning shears with you next time you visit. Pick a shrub or two and ask your parents if they would like you to help them prune a few shrubs, as you have noticed they could use a trim. Their response to your offer will provide you with clues to what is going on with the yard. If they tell you to just let it go, it’s fine or express no interest; something is wrong with either their relationship, their mental capacity, or their state of mind. People do not abruptly change without reason. 

If your parents are happy to engage in the activity with you, pay close attention to their physical movements, bending, kneeling, lifting, and balance, looking for physical limitations. Yard work is quite physical, and the elderly often struggle with the strain required to bend over, kneel, walk on uneven surfaces, or other movements required for that type of work. They could be in pain for hours or even days after working in the yard, and it might not be something they share.  

Long term, you will need to help them find a solution to yard care, once you figure out what the barrier is. You can consider a combination of family, hired, and homeowner labor. At some point, this will be a need for all elderly homeowners if they choose to remain in a single-family home. It may be well worth the cost to age in place. Whatever they choose to do, yard care cost will be present if they rent, have a condo, or live in their own home; it will just be called something different.