Question 

My 70-year-old father is quite lonely since my mother died. He seems so sad and bored that I am afraid he will fall into depression. He does not have enough to do, and I am looking for ideas that I can offer him. 

He lives in a medium-sized city, close to stores, schools, churches, and parks. I do believe that there are opportunities for him, but I am wondering where to start. 

While mom was living, he was a full-time caregiver. That went on for about 10 years. Mom had multiple sclerosis which limited her mobility and ability to get out without considerable effort on my father’s part. Mom’s passing gave him breathing room, but he does not seem to know what to do with his extra time. 

I am wondering how to approach the situation. I want dad to be happy, and I cannot be there every day to entertain him.  

Answer 

Your father likely went from working to caregiving. He may not have had an opportunity to develop outside interests after leaving the workforce because all available time when into providing care for your mother. It was likely an exhausting labor of love. 

Now he has the time, and he is going to need to find himself again. Some people just jump right in and try many different activities. Others do not know where to begin and flounder about. It sounds like your father is in the group that does not know where to begin. 

Just being busy is good but not optimal. Finding a purpose is the most important thing for him right now. He had purpose before and that was caring for your mother. It was an important job and though it was likely tiring, it was a job.  

I would start by listing all the things he is good at doing. Find tasks that suit his personality and that he has reasonable skill performing. He may be good at shopping, or great at fixing things, he may have woodworking skills, or he likes to read. It really does not matter what he is good at, list them all. That will be his starting point.  

If your father is not naturally inclined to volunteer or join a group, I would start with projects that might interest him. Ask him to build or repair something for you, assuming he has that skill set. You might do a little searching in his town for people that need volunteers for specific projects. Look for any senior activity that he might try. If he is not inclined to reach out and connect with the opportunities on his own, feel free to go with him for the first time or two. The secret is just getting out there and doing it. It does not matter what it is or if he latches on to it as it often takes several attempts. He no longer is obligated to do anything he does not have a high level of interest in. It is simply the act of doing that will give him purpose again. 

Since your father is relatively young in his golden years, another option is to consider a part time job. It would get him out of the house, help him meet others, and give him a purpose. The additional income is possibly irrelevant, though a plus for most people. 

Lastly, please talk to him about grief support. Those individuals can help him talk through his experiences and be of significant help at this time. He can learn how others have worked through this transition period. Most people derive benefit from this type of interaction after a loss like his.  

He needs you now and it is wonderful that you noticed his struggle. Helping him regain his footing and finding purpose again will be a worthy accomplishment. I wish you success as you take this journey with him.