Question 

The big dilemma for my 90-year-old mother at this time of year is what to give her children and grandchildren for Christmas. She does not have a lot of extra money, and she has 12 grandchildren, five children, and four daughters/sons-in-law. 

Mom cannot easily get out for shopping trips anymore. She also cannot really afford to buy 21 gifts. She is living on Social Security primarily. At $20 a piece, she would be out $420. Up it to $50 and she is over $1,000. She just gets by each month. With utilities, food, and insurance increasing as they have in the last few years, money is tighter and tighter for her. 

I know that it is stressing her to celebrate with family and not be able to participate fully. I tell her that it does not make a difference, though I see sadness in her when we open gifts. 

Please help me with some ideas that I can give her, to help make this holiday season more joyous for her. 

Answer 

This is such a common challenge for the elderly, that I am surprised that it has not been asked of me before. Usually, the question is what to give the elderly. This one is really a challenge. 

When money is tight, gift giving is difficult for anyone, but much harder for someone for someone at 90. That does not mean it is impossible. With a little bit of creativity, you can help your mother make something special and possibly discover an annual tradition. 

Listed here are my suggestions for you to consider: 

• A personal favorite is unique chocolate candy. Help your mother find and make each person a box of four to six chocolate candies. You could designate a day each December to make chocolates. Yes, you will do the organizing and shopping. In the process you will create a wonderful memory, develop a special skill, and give your mother something memorable to give each year for $50 to $100 total depending on the quality of ingredients. 

• If your mother can crochet or knit, help her find a new pattern each year to make an annual ornament for each person. A bookmark would be a nice substitute. 

• If your mother is a reader, have her hunt thrift stores for great books that she has read to gift family members or give one of her books. 

• Your mother could give each family a five-to-eight-pound bag of popcorn kernels. It is heavy, substantial, and should last a year or more. She will not likely be able to repeat this one each year though, as it takes a while to get through that much popcorn. She could attach a silicone microwave popcorn maker as they are inexpensive, dishwasher safe, and wonderful to have. 

• Another take on the popcorn idea is any bulk food. Simply search the internet for bulk food ideas. Look for crowd favorites that a family might not normally have in their home and buy a case of it. It is not hard to find a large quantity of Pop Tarts, Goldfish crackers, or treat-like items for very little. 

• If your mother is a writer or a storyteller, for one year she could write the story of her life, print it out, and give each person a copy. That concept would take a fair amount of time to write and plan. It would be just the cost of paper and copying. 

These are just a few ideas that will hopefully give you and your mother something to consider. It is possible for your mother to participate and with some gifts she can repeat year after year without too much angst. It will require your support each year, but will help to give your mother the pleasure of gift giving without the trauma of going hungry to do so. 

It is very thoughtful to notice her sadness and seek a solution. I wish you success in helping your mother enjoy the season.