Question 

I have not driven much the last ten years, since I retired. My husband had been doing all of the driving, and I really did not care. It all worked out just fine, until he passed. 

Now I am alone and afraid to go places. It feels so strange to be behind the wheel again. It makes me very nervous when driving. I am afraid that I will have an accident. 

Now I am wondering if I should stop driving and hoping that you can give me some advice on when or if I should quit. I certainly do not want my son to take the keys away when I least expect it. 

Answer 

Driving, like any skill, becomes more familiar the more we do it. The routes we usually drive are known to our brain and quite comfortable for us. We are not distracted by billboards, interesting houses, or unusual intersections because we see them every day. 

Now stop driving for a prolonged period, say years, and it will feel very strange and anxiety provoking to start up again. It will feel a bit like you are a teenager with a learner's permit. While you still have a driver's license, you are probably about as safe as a teenager just learning to drive. It is because your brain is acutely aware of the risks and you are intensely tuned into every sound around you, every movement on the street, and all of the strange new controls on your dashboard that you either have forgotten about or never learned when the car was purchased. 

To regain your independence with your car, the first thing to do is get out the manual from the glove box, if there is one. Go online to look up the manual if it is not in the car. Go and sit in the driver's seat and page through the manual to familiarize yourself with the vehicle. If the car is newer there are likely all sorts of new features to explore. Study and let it sink in overnight. 

The next day, drive the car around the block a few times to find out if you are comfortable with a tiny trip. Can you back out safely, can you see well enough to read the street signs, are the mirrors adjusted properly, are you comfortable? Then take the car back. Pat yourself on the back and give your brain time to process the trip. 

On day three, drive around the neighborhood and branch out to a larger perimeter. Notice if you are more comfortable with the streets you have driven the day before. Repeat this process for a few days until you are driving at least a mile or two. 

Once you feel fairly confident in the larger neighborhood, head to the closest gas station. Fill up the car with the correct type of gas and navigate home. 

If you feel secure after a week of local driving, head to the nearest grocery store. Go during the week when the fewest shoppers are there. Park away from other cars and practice centering between the lines. You do not need to shop; you are just making the trip to the store commonplace. 

You can see where I am going with this. Each day drive a little bit more and add one small new destination. What you are doing is reconditioning yourself to a skill you once had. Once you do that, it will be clear to you if you still have the facilities to drive. You start small and build on the skill. 

If your vision, hearing, memory, or physical ability is not adequate you will know quickly. Here are a few clues: you cannot see the street signs, you cannot bring yourself to drive the speed limit, you cannot remember the route home from the grocery store, you do not become comfortable driving around the block or adding local trips on, or you simply do not feel safe anymore. If you cannot drive safely, it is time to leave driving to others. 

If you decide to give up driving, make sure to familiarize yourself with ride share applications for your phone, so that you can go where you please when you desire. When you stop driving it does not have to mean that you become housebound. Set yourself up to have transportation when you want it, if it is available where you live.