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Pressure to Remodel Home


"I am 80 years old and in good health. My daughter is always remodeling or updating parts of her home.  She sends or brings over pictures of her projects to show me.  Her work is lovely, and what she is doing with her home is very nice.  No problem there. 

The problem is that she looks around my home and pressures me to make changes to my house.  Last week she was pushing me to gut my kitchen and start over.  Six months ago she wanted me to remodel one of the bathrooms.  Her continual suggestions and pressure are overwhelming.  I have neither the energy nor the desire to handle a remodeling project.

My daughter is kindhearted and has my best interest in mind.  Sure, some of my kitchen appliances have parts that do not function, and some cabinet drawers are hard to open, but I am used to it.  I can afford it; I just don’t have the urge to deal with it. How should I talk with my daughter?"


With all of the work your daughter is doing on her home, it is no surprise that she sees the shortcomings of your home.  She sounds like someone who likes a project and is willing to tackle the work that goes with it.
Here is what I think. If she is right and you agree, have her tackle your kitchen or bath.  A healthy 80-year-old like you could live another decade or so.  If you are downplaying the true state of your kitchen and you have the money, address the issue.

We all become comfortable in our homes and sometimes fail to see how they look and function.  Ignoring needed repairs is rarely a good idea.  Your family members could be hurt in a dysfunctional kitchen and so could you.  Safety becomes more and more important as we age.  Why not set up your kitchen for the future?

I realize that the mess and disruption are most annoying.  Think about it this way. You likely have a willing daughter to assist you with the project, you will solve some of your kitchen issues, and you will have a safer, more beautiful kitchen when complete.  Another possible upside is that your home will be worth more.  Improved kitchens and bathrooms add value to a home.  It also will improve your quality of life while you are living there.  This could also lead to some quality time with your daughter.  I do not see a downside here.

Go for it, and enjoy the process!  It sounds like your daughter could be a helpful partner.  At the very least, ask her.

I wish you the best.