Question 

My father is 92 years old and still driving. The problem is that his car is beginning to look like it has been in a teenage fight. There are significant scratches on each side and the bumpers. I am not sure if he is hitting the side of the garage door frame, other cars, light poles, or what. 
I have asked him about the scrapes on the car, and he just dismisses me or changes the subject. 

Mom died about three years ago and dad has lived alone since. His travels are limited to the grocery store and his doctor. He rarely ventures out of town in his car. If he needs to go any distance, he travels with one of us kids. 

Since he does not go far, I am not sure if I should be concerned about his driving. He is definitely not going over 40 miles per hour in town. 

How do you know when to stop driving? 

Answer 

We all face this issue with our parents at some point and yes, we all struggle with it. Driving is a rite of passage for 16-year-olds in this country. It is when we truly feel independence and it is a feeling we never want to give up. To just hop into the driver's seat and go wherever and whenever we please is the epitome of adulthood in America. And now we are going to talk about letting it go. 

Your father is likely aware that he is scraping the sides of his car and does not want to admit it. Hopefully, he is doing it in his own garage and not with some else’s car. If you inspect his car and the door frame for the garage door, you can usually figure out if he is doing it at home. 

I recommend that you go to a few places where dad is the driver, not you. That way you can see firsthand how he is driving. You will know very quickly if he is having trouble navigating because of sight, hearing, or mental cognition, sometimes all three. 

If you feel that his driving is substandard, one of the children needs to tell him that it is time to let it go. This may not go well, and you may need it to start out as a suggestion. Give this a little time, though bring it up regularly. 

Having a driver's retest is only mandatory in two States for the elderly, Illinois and New Hampshire. Though a medical professional or Department of Motor Vehicles representative can require retesting if they feel you are impaired. Those are options if it becomes necessary. 

As you go through this process with your father, it would be very helpful to him if you familiarize him with options that do not limit his mobility. If he lives in an area that has phone applications for car services such as Uber and Lyft, his mobility need not be limited. Help him upload the apps and use them with him so he becomes comfortable getting about. If you live in the San Francisco area, you have a driverless car option, Waymo, which is growing at an exponential rate right now, so coming soon. In ten years, we may all be letting our cars drive us around. He could be way ahead of the curve if you can get him thinking that way. 

Letting go of his car does not need to be limiting unless he lets it. Do your best to help him adapt to a new way of getting around town by doing it with him until he instinctively grabs for his phone and orders the ride when he wants to go somewhere. You will know then that he has made the transition.