Question 

My mother is in her early 80s, and she is constantly upgrading her home. When I say constantly, I am not exaggerating. When one project finishes, she has a designer out there and she begins planning the next one. 

It started with the kitchen, then the bathrooms, next the windows, and on and on. Dad passed away several years ago and she has gone into full swing on this remodeling thing since then. 

There was nothing wrong with the house the way it was. It seems now that she cannot stop herself. Every time I visit there are strangers in the house and something or other is ripped up. I have never encountered someone who likes construction that much. 

I thought that people in their 80s lost interest in changing their environment and tended to let things slide a bit. Not in my mother’s case. Is this normal? Should I worry about her? 

Answer 

You are right that your mother is not the typical 80-year-old when it comes to changing their environment. It is far more common to find the elderly ignoring needed upgrades and maintenance on their homes than someone who is in constant remodel mode. 

Sometimes when a spouse dies, the widow or widower will experience a sense of freedom that they did not have before in their marriage. It is likely that your mother always wanted to do the upgrades but was vetoed by her partner. When one member of a couple is opposed to the mess, expense, or trouble of remodeling, it is unlikely to happen. Now as a widow, she is free to manage her time, interests, and resources as she desires without partner approval. 

She might have been able to accomplish some updates during her marriage, but if it was a battle each time, she may have simply stopped trying. Also, if travel, work, or illness absorbed much of her time, she may not have been able to take on the projects that she now has time and mental space to manage. 

I am a strong advocate of maintaining and updating your property to keep it in shape and suitable for your lifestyle and advancing age. Too often the opposite is true and following an injury or surgery, it can be difficult for an individual to navigate the home they live in. I hope that your mother is not only considering the look and feel of her home but adding the helpful safety features that will allow her to live in her home as long as possible. 

Therefore, while it is a chance for you to encounter construction folks and sawdust when you visit mom, I would rejoice in having a parent that is engaged taking steps to make her environment reflect the life she now wants to live. 

Lastly, since you did not express any concern about money, I made the assumption that your mother has the financial resources to manage these updates without risking her future health care needs. If resources are a bit tight, I would have a different slant to my recommendations.