Question 

My father keeps hurting himself, but he won’t admit that he is the problem. He is out there every day doing things that no 85-year-old should be doing. What I want to know is, how do I get him to stop? 

Last week when I stopped over, he was up on an extension ladder checking out his roof. Last winter he was snow blowing several driveways in the neighborhood. The worst situation was when he shoveled bark all afternoon for his subdivision. 

Sometimes after he has one of these outdoor excursions, he spends the next few days in his recliner with an ice pack. He has injured his foot, knee, hip, and sprained his ankle. He usually denies that he is injured, but anyone can see the cause and effect. 

What I wonder is how I get him to act his age and stop overexerting himself? 

Answer 

Your father sounds like a man of action, and I doubt that his activity level just started at 85. He has likely been jumping in his entire life doing what needs to be done. He is a man that lives his life with purpose. 

Keeping your father from exerting himself is not going to be likely. He is doing what he sees needs to be done. I believe helping others provides meaning for him, even though he suffers a bit afterward. I suspect he feels satisfied with what he accomplishes, and minor injuries are not going to deter him. 

You can talk to him and ask him to cut back, but he is not likely to stop or slow down. As long as your father is able, he is going to do what he physically can. It is understandable that you are concerned about him, though you cannot control his behavior. He is an adult and is going to make decisions about what he does. You can express your concerns, though it may not get you far.  

I believe he will at some point limit his activities, but not until he can no longer physically get out there and do what he sees that needs to be done. I suspect he is happiest helping others and doing things for himself. This may be a time where you just get the ice packs for him, listen to his stories, and be grateful that he is actively living every moment of his life. The less active dad will come soon enough.  

A few things that you can do are: make sure that the tools he is using for his exploits are in good repair, offer to help him with any projects that are a significant safety risk, provide a wearable device of some sort to call for help if needed, and get him good supportive shoes for all of his outdoor exploits.