Question 

My mother is a worrier. It seems that every time that I talk to her she is moaning about something or another that is troubling her mind.  

Some of the worries are big and some are small. Her angst it seems is over the top and the fact that she is sharing every little thing that is bothering her.  

Of course, most of the things she is worrying about do not come to pass. I am saying that what is troubling her is just ordinary stuff that resolves most of the time. 

Is there any way that I can help her with the hand wringing she is doing about everyday worries?  

Answer 

Every human has issues, large and small, that are on our mind at all times. For the vast majority of us, we are never worry free. Yes, there could be moments when we feel completely at peace; those situations are infrequent and pass very quickly though. 

Even individuals that appear to be carefree are not. That is because all humans worry. Worrying is part of our DNA, and it is protective in nature. As cavemen, if you were not alert to danger, you likely did not survive. Concern can be useful. It helps us to take the necessary steps to protect ourselves and those we love.  

Some people think worrying about something prevents it from happening. They do this because they feel helpless, and they cannot visualize a course of action that could be taken. So, they simply worry about the outcome. This is common when waiting for the results of a medical test. There is no course of action that can be taken in most of those situations, so we dwell on it every waking moment until the results are revealed. A superstitious person may believe that the more they worry, the less likely it is that the outcome will be bad. There is no real logic to that other than most of the time what we are worrying about resolves, and the outcome is not negative. 

Your mother may be worrying more than most, or she is just expressing her worries where most keep the bulk of their concerns to themselves. The good thing is that she is expressing what is on her mind.  

A productive approach to worrying is for her to write down her concerns and list any steps she can take to resolve what is concerning her. It would be best if she allocated a specific time to this task each day and then moved on. If there are steps she can take to solve her concerns, she should take them. Her time should be spent on activities and projects that have a purpose, which would give her less mental space to spend on worrying. 

When you are with your mother, allocate five to ten minutes for her worries and then call time. If you do this consistently, she will adapt to your parameters, though only if you are consistent.  

It is not easy to change communication styles. If her worry is disabling her to a certain extent, professional help might be a good idea. A therapist can help her frame her concerns, hopefully helping her decrease her anxiety about things that are bothering her.